Dreams and Goals Make the World Move

In her books, My Name is Not Isabella and My Name is Not Alexander, Jennifer Fosberry takes the reader on a fanciful journey through a child’s imagination as they dream about what they can become.  A president, scientist, inventor, astronaut, activist, performers, nurse, baseball player, and Indian Chief flitted across the pages, changing to match the child’s current activity.  In the end, both Isabella and Alexander decided that being themselves is the best option.

                                              

Every parent dreams for his or her child, and every child goes through a million different ideas before landing on the one they want to pursue.  It can be more challenging to dream for your child who has a visual impairment.  Seeing the barriers can be easier than discovering the possibilities and society itself often puts limits on those dreams.  Shifting your focus slightly off center can allow you to see past the negativity to recognize the potential, problem solve through the obstacles, and allow your child to soar. 

                                           

Solid goal setting smooths the path towards reaching the dreams you and your child have. While we all have experience setting goals for ourselves and observing goal setting in others, it can be a little tricky helping your child through the process for the first time.  The following steps can help facilitate.

1.  Allow your child to be in charge of choosing the goal.  It is easy for us to see what we want for our children and to push in that direction, but they will be much more motivated to put in the necessary effort if they have picked the ultimate target.  You can provide general guidance about areas to focus on, just make sure they have the final say. Be prepared for the fact that their first goals might be very simple or very complex, and nowhere close to what you would have chosen for them.  Be open to supporting them regardless, as long as their goal is reasonable.  You many need to consult with your child’s teacher of the visually impaired (TVI), or other professionals to help you with the feasibility of the goal.  

2. Break the goal into pieces and start out small.  A goal like climbing the Alps overwhelms all but the most experienced climbers.  Yet, most anyone can commit to walking to the neighborhood park and back.  As your child accomplishes this small goal, move to the next largest piece, walking to the park, around the pond it contains, and back home again. Before you know it, they will be climbing the Alps. 

3. Scaffold each activity.  New goals mean a new skill set.  Your child may need help with learning the steps.  Accomplish this by: a) showing them how b) having them do parts or all of the activity with you c) watching them closely while they complete the activity by themselves d) sitting back and let them fly solo. Gradually stepping back is the most important piece of this step, without it, your child will be unable to accomplish their goal.

4. Model seeking help. Everyone needs help from time to time. Learning when and how to request it, as well as how to refuse it when it is unnecessary, is an essential skill for your child with a visual impairment. Allow them to see you asking for help, this can even be when you ask their TVI for help in supporting their chosen goal.  Give them words for politely saying no thank you when they do not need help.  Just because they do not need it now, does not mean they will not tomorrow, so they should not burn any bridges.  Make sure that you expect your child to try to problem solve through difficulties before they come to you for help. Provide them guidance that will help them complete the activity rather than doing for them.

5. Catch them making progress.  We all need a little reassurance that we are on the right track.  Providing your child with very specific, very targeted praise around their effort towards the goal will keep them motivated as well as letting them know what they are doing right.  “Great job” is not nearly as effective as “I like how you problem solved there. You tried three different things before you came and asked me for help.  Way to go!”

6. Reevaluate along the way. Looking at a goal and making sure that it continues to be relevant and reasonable can prevent a child from becoming frustrated.  You might find that the goal was too big, or too small, or that maybe waiting a month to tackle it would work better.  Just because you agreed on a goal together does not mean that it cannot change down the road.

7. Celebrate success.  When you establish a goal, you can also choose a reward for completing that goal.  Make sure the size of the reward matches the size of the accomplishment.  A reward does not have to be tangible, it can be time spent with you, a trip to the park, watching a favorite TV show, having their favorite dinner, or simply well thought out praise for a job well done. 

8. Start over.  Make goal setting a habit rather than a one-time experience.  When your child has reached their first goal, encourage them to move on to another.  Experience will make the process quicker and easier.  They can move towards creating an overarching goal with smaller goal/objective to reach along the way.   

Goal setting is an important part of everyone’s life. It is what provides us with a focus and allows us to maintain motivation to move forward.  Finding just the right set of goals to provide a slight challenge without overwhelming can take a little practice, but it will always be worth it in the end.  Do not forget to dream big for your child and move confidently towards making those dreams a reality.